1st Day of School

My Miracle Boy is getting way too grown up. He started his 1st day of 1st Grade today. It is so hard to think of my little 4 pound miracle boy who 6 years ago was fighting to be here is now amazingly in 1st Grade. I have been hearing all these Moms talk about how excited they are to have one less kid at home or to have the last one gone off to school and how they dread summer. I can't fully understand that because I have been crying for most of the day and am so sad that my little buddy is off to school from 8am till 3pm. The time has gone way too fast and as much as Id love to stop time I can't. I am excited for him to meet new friends and see him thrive and learn something new everyday. For that I'm happy its school time but not that he's gone all day doing it. If I could I'd home school him BUT that is just not something I want to do and I know he will learn so much more if he is at school and in a classroom. I LOVED grade school, in fact I enjoyed school till I entered into High School. The first day of school can be a little rough for me now since he's in 1st grade and 6 already. He will graduate in 2023 which seems so far away BUT I know it will be here before we know it so the most important thing is to just enjoy every minute you have with them. "D" would have graduated in 2019 and would be almost 10 years old right now. I should be home enjoying every minute of my day with my almost 21 Month Old little "A". I remember so well how much fun "S" was at that age. So today is a reminder that "A" isn't here with us to love on and enjoy and that I don't have another child to do the 1st Day of school with. It is hard to believe but I think "D" would be in 5th Grade and I can't seem to fathom that. How I wish "S" had a big brother on campus with him to watch out for him and keep him safe and make sure he doesn't get picked on. Yes I know he isn't all skin and bones like I was when I was in school but he is a sensitive boy who def doesn't like to be picked on. He loves to make friends and meet new people no matter how old they are and he doesn't fully get that not every kid wants to be his friend or play with him or talk to him. He also has a stutter and when he is nervous or excited it can get really bad so the thought of someone making fun of him if it happens just is too much. Some kids can be so mean and I just hope any mean kids stay away from my little man or they will have to answer to me. I am blessed that I found him an amazing school that doesn't stand for things like that but it can still happen without teachers hearing it.
My little 1st Grader still gave me hugs and kisses after dropping off his backpack by his room as he was running out to the "Big" playground. After I went over to where the kids were lining up he called me over as I was taking pictures, gave me a big hug and I could see in his eyes he had a little anxiety over the big day. I gave him a big hug and then he asked if he was in the right line and he wasn't so he held my hand as I walked him to his right line and he got right in line with a smile on his face. I cried on the way too take him while he talked to my Mom who is just getting wheeled into Surgery as I type this. WHICH doesn't help my emotions right now at all. She will be just fine I know but it's still my Mom. "S" was giving her kisses over the phone and it was the cutest thing ever. He handed me the phone after he was done and got tears in his eyes and said he missed Grandma and his Brothers and wished they could be at the 1st day of school with him. I am so blessed to have my little man in my life and to be able to call myself his Mom. I have been crying off and on all day but I'm sure it'll only happen this week then I'll start getting into a routine of what to do with myself while he is gone. Right now I'd like to crawl into bed and just cry instead of clean.
Best of luck to all you other Moms with kids starting school this week!